


A Nagging Feeling...

by pherryt



Series: Supernatural CODA Collection [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14.08 CODA, Angst, Determination, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 18:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16897914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Something is nagging at Jack...  He's forgotten something. Something important. Something very,veryimportant.He's sure of it.





	A Nagging Feeling...

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. Feels.  
> Buffy/Angel feels. Feathers-and-cigarettes wasn't wrong when he warned me of that.
> 
> there's gotta be a way...

Jacks memories felt all muddled, as if something was trying to hide from him. He’d been dead, he remembered that.

And now he wasn’t.

There was no escaping that fact. Even if he hadn’t remembered it, the spells he had to use to keep himself alive made it impossible to forget. What was hard was the in between. His head was fuzzy, but he had images of Kelly, with warmth curling through him as they talked with each other. He had memories of Cas coming to find him and then things going wrong.

But he was here, alive and well now.

At least he’d been right about one thin. It _had_ been an adventure.

But maybe one he could put off having again for a while. This, this right here, was golden. Sitting in the kitchen at the bunker - empty bottles and discarded candy bar wrappers strewn across the table, all of Jack’s favorites, of course - the three people he cared for the most laughing and smiling with him. Even the nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right couldn’t take this away from him.

Dean clapped him on his shoulder on his way past to get another round of beers, his grin wide and his eyes still suspiciously wetly bright. “ _Now_ you’re a Winchester. Welcome to the family.”

Jack beamed. “So… it’s a rite of passage then?”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. We don’t know anyone else who seems to defy death on a regular basis like we do – “

“Or even know Death personally, for that matter,” Sam interjected.

“Or can say they’ve killed Death, as two out of the four of us have,” Cas said, leaning over conspiratorially.

“Right. And even Cas here has more than a few deaths under his belt.” Dean’s words were light but there was an underlying pain to them. Cas was leaning back, suddenly unable to meet anyone’s eyes, and that’s when everything fell back into focus for Jack.

Heaven.

Black Ooze.

Kelly.

The Empty.

Cas’s deal.

_Cas’s deal._

He almost stopped breathing as he stared at the unsuspecting brothers, horrible guilt filling Jack.

Once again, his mere _existence_ was hurting the Winchesters and Cas. Once again, he was responsible for the pain in someone’s life, people he cared for, just by _being_.

Maybe Kelly didn’t regret dying to give birth to him, and he’d at least finally met her and gotten to know his real mother – not a recording or a skinwalker kindly masquerading as her to ease his pain and confusion – but there was no escaping the harsh reality that his very birth had killed both her and Cas and had set so many other horrible things into motion.

Now it turned out his death did too.

Not only was Heaven threatened by his death, but to save him – and Heaven – Cas had chosen to sacrifice _everything._

Jack swallowed.

Cas had saved him. Gave up any happiness he might _ever_ feel, making Jack promise not to tell Dean or Sam in the process.

At the time, Cas’s words had made sense – why cause them more pain over something that couldn’t be helped? But Jacks guilt only increased the more time he spent with them, knowing what Cas had done, knowing it was Jack’s fault that Cas had resorted to such measures.

Dean and Cas.

Jack was young, inexperienced, but he wasn’t blind. Not completely.

There was something there. Dean and Cas obviously cared for each other in such a profound way that Jack had literally _seen_ the difference between Dean with Cas dead and Dean with Cas alive.

Losing Cas again would destroy him, especially if it happened because the two of them were happy, together. If Dean did anything that gave Cas happiness and the Empty came to drag him away?

No. Dean wouldn’t make it. Of that, Jack was sure. If Dean lived past that, he’d simply be going through the motions until death took him.

And Cas was already miserable, his smiles and laughter hiding his inner turmoil.

It wasn’t fair. Jack had to find a way to fix this.

He _had_ to.

It may be another impossible task on his growing list of impossible tasks, but for Dean, Cas and Sam – who had been everything to Jack – he had to _try._

He could do nothing less for his family.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Rebloggable Tumblr Post [here](https://pherryt.tumblr.com/post/180953854416/pherryt-a-nagging-feeling-supernatural-1408)


End file.
